Is there anything you would change in my introduction paragraph.?

is it too wordy? repetitive? can you tell i am about to compare/contrast email and postal mail? does it flow? please give me your input.







A flap of a pigeon鈥檚 wing, a trot of a horse's hoof, the taste of glue, the click of a mouse. The ways of communication have changed over time due to technology. Over hundreds of years, postal mail, has repeatedly adapted to try to meet the needs of the people. However its ability to improve speed has not been able to keep up with technology. In its earlier days postal mail was the fastest and most reliable way of communicating. We now refer to the US postal service as "snail mail" with time constraints that do not coincide with our fast pace lifestyles today. Because of this, email has become the competition for the traditional postal mail. With its popular click of a button delivery, email has sustained its place in the modern communication world. Although email is becoming more and more popular and provides the same ability to communicate as postal mail, I believe the differences are also significant enough to guarantee the survival of both methods.Is there anything you would change in my introduction paragraph.?
Can I just say I absoloutley love that first line. I had to read it twice to understand that it was to do with technology, but it's fantastic. It doesn't sound like your going to start going into an email, but it is clear what you are talking about. Hope I helped

=]Is there anything you would change in my introduction paragraph.?
I liked everything but the first sentence. Just doesn't fit. The rest was well written. I can tell you worked really hard on it. Good job otherwise!Is there anything you would change in my introduction paragraph.?
Your first sentence is an incomplete sentence. First of all I would change "a" to "the" (The flap of a pigeon's wing, The trot of a...) And then you need to give it a complete thought. What do all these things have to do with communication? You could start by saying ..."From the flap of a pigeon's wings, and the trot of a horse's hoof to the taste of glue and the click of a mouse, communication has come a long way."



Your second sentence can be deleted.



About the compare and contrast, you didn't say enough about postal mail. Most of your paragraph was about e-mail. You could talk about the cost of stamps. You could talk about how postal mail creates jobs. You could say something about how postal mail can deliver packages and e-mail can't. Then talk about technology, the cost, the convenience of e-mail by comparison.



Hope this helps.